This was the last sentence of my post on Tuesday, March 31st. Well....I gave in to fear. I'm just not sure if it was irrational or not.
I had planned to go on a trip 12 hours away from home. I looked up the local hospitals and found out which one's had trauma centers. I grabbed my book with his lists of surgeries and diagnoses. I had the CD with his four latest MRI's. But.....it was not enough. As the date got closer, I began to panic. I had horrible dreams that he had a shunt infection and had to be externalized and given a 21 day course of antibiotics and we are 12 hours from home..... So I decided we would not go. Then I felt bad for giving in to the fear. So I would talk myself into going again, and the panic set back in. It was a vicious cycle.
My friend from work told me that I have to remember that even though Randy went through all the physical pain, I went through the emotional pain. My other friend told me that I need to take baby steps. Maybe start with a trip four hours from home and work my way up.
My biggest fear is that I will hold onto this fear for an unreasonable amount of time and keep Randy from experiencing the world. Or worst, I may put my fears on him. I do NOT want to do that to my son.
So I sit here typing in my pj's at home instead of being out of town. So once again, I pray for wisdom and the ability to discern between caution and irrational fear.
Just some random pictures
Hey Tiffany! I have to tell you that Randy is absolutely adorable. I meant to comment on some other pictures that you had posted but never got around to it. He's just too cute. =) And I'm jealous... look at that head control!!!! =)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the Ergo carrier. I know it's pricey, but if you can get one used on ebay it would be worth it. We have a Baby Bjorn and I love how it positions Liam facing out so he can see the world and it helps him with his head control because of the way I position it. But, the Bjorn will start to hurt my back pretty quickly and it puts all of Liam's weight on his crotch. The Ergo puts Liam in a good proper position with his legs at 90 degrees and my hips bear his weight giving my back a break. I am hoping to get Liam used to it. I just bought the infant insert to help him with his head when he gets tired so maybe that will help him to like it more. I recommend the ergo and since Randy has great head control, you can put him on your back!